【译者按：古人说得好，“醉笑陪君三千场，喝到内伤”……每逢中国春节，“喝酒”就成了叙旧迎新的前奏，“酒桌”则成了看不见硝烟的战场。推杯换盏时此起彼伏的叮当声，是见证彼此情谊的最佳代言。这不，春节还没过完，就有个老外忍不住吐槽了。

荔枝小编翻译了他亲身经历后写就的“血泪文章”，并总结了十六大字献给各位新老酒桌战将：杯子要低！节奏要快！喝完要吐！喝醉要吹！╮(╯▽╰)╭

此外，文中图均为作者原配，亮点满满，请自寻。 Ready? Go! 】  

以下是翻译全文：  

喝酒本是人间乐事。BUT，跟中国人喝酒可就没那么容易了。中国春节期间，我参加了不下10场酒席，这就跟大伙儿唠唠我在酒桌上用自己的血与泪（以及吐）学到的东西。  

（原文：Drinking can be a lot of fun, but drinking with Chinese people can be quite tricky. During Chinese new year I attended over 10 drinking occasions with Chinese people and this article is what I learned with my sweat and blood. And vomit.）

1.杯子千万要低   (Lower Your Glass)

当你向你所尊敬的人敬酒时，把自己杯子放低是一个社会习俗。如果你不想被认为是个高高举杯的傲慢傻X，那么，请拼了命去赢这场“谁的杯子比较低”大赛！

无论何时，只要有人向你敬酒   ，你就立马趴地上，方可占据有利地形。实在不行，就勒住对方脖子让他昏过去好了——为了保持“谦恭”，什么招儿都能使。

（原文：It's a social custom that you lower your glass when cheers-ing people you respect. However, it's also a social custom that you lower your glass when the other lowers their glass for you. You don't want to be seen as an arrogant asshole who holds the glass up straight, so make sure you fight hard to win the Lowering Glass Contest. Whenever someone makes a toast to you, throwing yourself on the floor immediately is a safe defense move, but feel free to choke his neck and make him pass out - it's never too much to defend your humility.）

2.请跟上节奏！  ( Keep Up Your Pace)

什么？你说你更喜欢独自待在某个角落，慢品一杯红葡萄酒，做一枚静静的美男子？Sorry，那你走错地方了。中国的酒桌上，会有一个人执掌“酒速”大权。他将决定你：喝啥酒，啥时候喝酒，喝多少酒，跟谁喝酒……他，就是“酒司令”（Drinking Jockey）。“酒司令”就像酒桌上的捕猎者，谁与他目光相对，谁就死定了。

友情提醒，请警惕以下信号：“是男人嘛？干   了！”“给面子不？干了！”“你要是不喝的话……干了！”  

【荔枝小编注：DJ（Disk Jockey） 原意流行音乐主持人，这里作者Disk替换为Drinking，戏称之为“酒司令”】

（原文：You prefer sipping your red wine slowly and quietly in the corner? Sorry, you are walking into the wrong party. At every Chinese drinking occasion there’s a guy in control of everyone's pace. He decides what you drink, when you drink, how much you drink, and who you drink with - he is the DJ (Drinking Jockey). A DJ is like a predator at the table - whoever looks him in the eye will die. Watch out for these warning signs: "If you’re a man, drink up!" "If you give me face, drink up!" "If you don't drink... Drink up!"）

3. 来，吐一场！  (Vomit On The Table)

讲真，吐这件事大多数时候都是蛮丢脸的。BUT，当你和中国人喝酒时，“喝到吐”是一种珍贵的美德。它是你战胜了自身局限性的表征，你因此成为了主宰自己的神……你，将不朽。

当一个男人在酒桌上喝吐时，他的朋友们将心生崇拜；他的领导将更加器重；而那位被他吐了一身的Girl，将无法自拔地爱上他。哪怕时隔千年，今日之事将依旧为人所津津乐道：“哎你还记得吗那天他简直吐得像个大喷泉！那画面真的太美了你不觉得吗？啧啧……”

（原文：Vomiting is embarrassing most of the time, but when you are drinking with Chinese, to drink until you vomit is a valuable virtue. It means you've overcome your own limit and become your own God - you've become immortal. When a man throws up at the drinking table, his friends adore him, his boss values him, and the girl whom he vomits on falls in love with him. Even thousands of years have passed, people will still be talking about the epic day: "Remember when he vomited like a fountain? Wasn't it beautiful?"）

4. 万万不能忘——吹，牛，逼（大写加粗）  （Don't Forget To Chui Niu Bi）

要想打入中国人的圈子，最简单的招数就是跟大家一起“酒喝醉醉，牛逼吹吹”。不过，你吹牛逼的内容是非常有讲究的。倘若一语不慎，那可是相当危险的哟。如果你是东北银，可以吹一吹曾经KO了多少壮汉；但如果到了南方，支撑起一则“牛逼”的，则是你股票挣了多少钱。

当然了，一个全中国通用的最佳“牛逼”之吹法，是“议政”——哎我说，没人不同意吧！  

【荔枝小编注：本段原文，作者将吹牛逼译为“Chui Niu Bi”，这份直爽也是real任性…之后作者贴心为外国伙伴们附上了“brag”一词作为补充，意为“吹牛，自夸”。】

（原文：The easiest way to infiltrate into a Chinese group is to get drunk and enjoy Chui Niu Bi (brag) together. However there are exquisite rules for what you brag about and it can be dangerous if you bring up the wrong topic. You may brag about how many people you've beaten up if you're in the northeast, but what helps blowing up the Niu Bi in the south may be how much you make from stocks. However, a universal topic for Chinese is politics and the government - everyone agrees it's the best!）

好了，吐槽完毕。希望此刻的你，已经从中国新年酒席中满血复活！我们都知道酒精能害死人，但谁知，又有多少人却是因它而生的呢…… :0  

（原文：Thanks for reading this article, and I hope that you've recovered from the Chinese new year drinking feast. We all know that alcohol kills people, but how many were born because of it? :0）

（原文出自微信公众号：Shameless）  

小编后记：作者深谙中国酒桌文化，小编不得不服……尤其是这神配图，简直集中国古今文化之精髓啊！您看出其中玄机了吗？↓↓

这位作者，隐藏得相当深。我先干了……内什么，您随意…… 

（哦对了，没看懂文章最后一句的不要来问小编。你还小。）